No, you cannot claim a circus tent as your umbrella

On a rainy day in the city you can expect to find numerous umbrella casualties in the trash bins on every street corner.  For some reason or another, the wind whipping between skyscrapers does not lend for friendly conditions on your protective shield.  Umbrellas come in all shapes and sizes, colors and patterns, but there is an agreed upon code between New Yorkers which says, when in the open state, umbrellas can extend a maximum of 18" - 24" inches from the dry person's body.  It is when a person breaks this unspoken rule that things get a little messy.  Sidewalks are only so wide here, not to mention the random piles of trash bags, scattered puddles, and scurrying puppies to avoid.  Then you run into the man who feels that in order to stay completely dry it is necessary to carry a golf umbrella the size of a small kiddie pool over his head.  Or better yet the old lady with a monstrosity in her hand flailing around in the wind, coming straight at you with no regard for personal space or possible eyeball loss.

Take the two men pictured below who both ricocheted off of my regulation-sized umbrella under an unavoidable scaffolding during after-work foot traffic.  I personally do not appreciate your gargantuan cover up; it may keep you dry but tends to take out the rest of the population as you stroll by.  An umbrella is meant to be a small and portable protection from rain, not an apparatus which could serve as a carnival ride for small children.  Lucky for you, also found on a rainy day in the city are pop-up stations selling the correct size umbrella for $5!  Do yourself a favor and invest in one, which eventually will end up in the corner trash bin, therefore allowing me to avoid being inappropriately groped by your poor choice of collapsible fabric.