No, you cannot leave me hanging

Some things were created for pure convenience and practicality.  Bottled water, pencil holders, the Magic Bullet- not completely necessary but always save precious moments of your day.   If you own a purse, coat, or anything else that is meant to hang, you've also made fast friends with the ever-handy coat hook.  Sadly, I've found myself far too often in a restaurant bathroom or waiting for a drink at the bar with nowhere to suspend my tote or trench.  Worse though is when the missing hook has left evidence behind of once being present.  I ran into this very situation tonight while out to dinner with co-workers; a 3M Command strip firmly in place, hook MIA.  This should teach us three things:
   1) Don't bring personal items to the bathroom,
   2) 3M hooks are made to hold small picture frames, not winter coats, and
   3) Some girls need to reevaluate what they pack in their handbags.

No, you cannot tip me over and pour me out

The most interesting things can happen in 10 seconds at a stoplight in Manhattan.  Take for instance the episode I saw while traveling north on 6th Avenue the other day.  Two men were in the middle of a busy bike lane, next to an even busier 4 lane road, attempting to fix the front wheel of a baby stroller.  In the 10 seconds we loitered at the light, the stroller was tipped, dipped, swerved and brought to an angle that no child should experience until their first roller coaster ride at Six Flags.  I'm going to go ahead and assume there was not a child in the stroller; let's just hope they didn't forget him in the van.

No, you cannot tell me how to do my job

With the thermometer hitting 65 degrees and my toes not seeing the light of day for 5 months, it was high time for a pedicure.  My roommate and I were sitting at the nail dryers when we spotted this woman whip out her iPad across the salon.  She proceeded to play a video for the nail technician on how to give a pedicure... while she was getting a pedicure.  After more careful eavesdropping we deduced that the woman was actually pitching some newfangled machine that performs pedicures for you.  She then asked if the technicians thought the salon owner would be interested in learning more about her product- you know, the one that could replace their jobs.  This woman couldn't sell a T-bone steak to a pack of hungry dogs, forget about pedicure robots.  Someone should take her iPad away.

No, you cannot use off-brand font

Surely everyone has that person in the office that puts up unnecessary signage, littering the walls with promotions for a book club or the always unpopular group yoga in the conference room on Tuesdays at 7am.  A friend posted a similar scenario from her office yesterday, though this sign actually garnered a surly response from one colleague.  Maybe it’s because I work for a branding agency that I find this funnier than the average Joe but it is a fact that unless you are selling toys, making a flier for the circus, or running a lemonade stand, Comic Sans shall not be used.