No, you cannot stick me there

Growing up I distinctly remember my mom sporting 'My Child is an Honor Roll Student!' and 'Dance Mom' proudly on her car bumper; I also recall being slightly embarrassed by this but feeling some consolation in the fact that every other minivan boasted the same excessive signs.  As bumper stickers became a thing of the past, more ridiculous decals were unveiled that went above and beyond TMI.  Gone were the days one could only gloat about their child's stellar swimming status or brag that this was their 6th (yes 6th!) consecutive year at band camp.  Oh no, the entire family (dogs, cats and fish included) now gets recognition.  Does your husband golf?  We've got him with a 9 iron!  Two daughters in ballet, one on the chess team, son in soccer and baby on the way?  Get the basic family accessories package and detachable baby bump for easy updating after nine months fly by!

Seriously?  Pretty soon this person won't be able to see out the back window; an obstruction of view ticket is rapidly approaching with each car line drop off.

No, you cannot be that lost

With 10 stories, 7 restaurants and an entire city block under its foundation, the Macy’s of Herald Square in New York city proudly boasts the name “America’s Largest Department Store”.   As the holidays quickly approach, hoards of visitors from around the world come to see the spectacle that is home to the Thanksgiving Day Parade and Miracle on 34th Street.  As you can imagine, these  wide-eyed and bushy-tailed voyagers have no clue where they’re going. 

Cue the clever yet unnecessary app! 

Macy’s has unveiled an indoor GPS iPhone app that gives turn-by-turn directions to guide the eager shopper through perfume counters, clothing racks and shoe departments alike.  Listen, I’m in the technology field and think this is actually a creative use of the GPS feature but let’s re-evaluate the repercussions of this.  Now instead of trudging through the chaos with semi-alert tourists, you will be dealing with a bunch of head-down autobots attempting to get to Aunt Annie’s on the 4th floor while never once looking up.  To make sure this has a creepy factor, they will also be able to track your every movement around the store and bombard you with ads of things you clearly don’t need nearby.  Very clever retail trick, Macy’s; fortunately I only get into the store about once a year and now with your handy app I’ll be in and out to use your public restroom in a flash.