No, you cannot lick my cake

I distinctly remember as a 5th grader loving Cinnaburst gum.  Not only was it tasty but you could even chew the white paper wrapping flecked with tiny cinnamon flavor crystals; what 10 year old didn't want to do that?  Apparently a confection company in London wondered the same thing but then acted on it, leading to disaster.  The Senior Brand Manager at McVitie's thought it a marvelous portrayal of wit and intoxication of one's youth to line an office elevator with lickable wallpaper.  The paper portrays over 1,000 Jaffa Cakes, giving the 9-to-5 drone "a little joy"in their stressful day.  Descriptive phrases such as "crackly chocolate" and "orangey bits" are not helping their cause; co-workers can crawl on the floor or even stand on their tiptoes to reach the highest cakes.  Not to worry, my friends, the cakes are apparently "refreshed" so you don't pass cooties (or mono, but whatever you want to call it).  The only way this would work is if the cakes were legitimately refreshed every single time someone stepped foot in or out of that elevator.  No, on second thought that clearly would not work either.  Sorry McVitie's, stick to selling biscuits and you may not completely tarnish your name. And fire that Senior Brand Manager while you're at it.

This can't be real life

No, you cannot scold me in public

Whether dentist or dietitian, banker or balloon-animal artist, the annual review is an inescapable process in everyone's professional career.  As I found out this week, employees at fast food joints are not excused from this awkward meeting with their managers.  While enjoying a burrito bowl at Chipotle, I overheard an unreasonably loud conversation taking place between three employees.  The two managers were telling a 'crew member' (aka burrito roller) how he was doing on the job.  They criticized how he worked with other crew members, suggested greeting customers with more 'pizazz', and explained that the burritos needed to be rolled just a little tighter (fine, I made the last one up).  Either way, being reviewed in the middle of your workplace is not only embarrassing but must be against at least a few Department of Labor rules.  Do you think the balloon-animal artist would appreciate being told his monkeys should look less like dogs by the head clown in front of a birthday party of rambunctious five year-olds?  I don't think so.