No, you cannot overpack for the holidays

Merry Christmas to all my loyal followers! I'm assuming if you're reading this family time has gotten the best of you and cabin fever is threatening to kick in, the only answer being a quick anecdote to bring you back to everyday normality as crazy as that may be.  A few days ago as thousands of people excitedly left their homes for a long vaca and even longer journey to get there, I too made my way to JFK where a flight to Florida awaited me.  As I walked through the JetBlue terminal a couple of people rushed by me; first to pass was a man hauling a luggage carrier with at least 8 - 10 bags atop, making what should have been a quick run into more of a slow jog.  On his heels was a woman pulling behind her another luggage while carrying two duffel bags and yelling 'Excuse me!' down the entire corridor.  It took me a second to realize that the 'luggage' she was hauling actually carried very precious cargo- their 2-year old son who bounced happily along in what was really a booster seat, none the wiser to what all the rushing was for. 

A few minutes later I stood in the baggage line when I noticed this ill-fated family at the self check-in kiosk.  The dad was feverishly entering their boarding information while the mom coerced the luggage carrier into the line behind me.  I watched to see if they could actually pull it off, preparing to let them go ahead of me if it all worked out.  Unfortunately just as the kiosk printed the tickets the luggage carrier finally won the battle, causing an avalanche that took out the entire maze of ropes and almost their first born.  This is a classic holiday scene at the airport but luckily they made it through security in time, little boy in tow who was more than likely wondering why he can't bring his parents anywhere.

No, you cannot jibber jabber

Going to the movies is all about the experience- the popcorn, the cushy seats, the big screen.  I went to see 'My Week With Marilyn' tonight (which I highly recommend, btw), arriving a little early to get a good spot.  As I started in on my bucket of buttery goodness, the pre-previews were interrupted by two chatterboxes across the aisle.  I looked over to find an elderly woman barking orders loudly at who I assume was her son; it's one thing if people are too noisy in a place that is clearly meant for 'inside voices' (i.e. libraries, churches, theaters), but it's a whole other problem if this issue can be avoided by making obvious choices.  In this case, the obvious choice would be to sit in the same row as your movie-going partner; how else do you whisper your opinions during the film or ask for another jujube?  It's not that hard to get this one right, either sit together and whisper away or keep your face stuffed with popcorn to avoid being those people.

No, you cannot shed on my Mac

Apple opened their largest retail space yet in Grand Central Station this past Friday, bringing out every Macthusiast from the tri-state area and beyond.  Along with those techy nerds and product lovers came their equally eager pets, decked to the nines for the occasion.   My co-workers spotted this lovable pooch hanging out in the MacBook Air section; nothing like a few stray fur balls caught in the keyboard of my brand new $1,000+ machine.  Poor guy, probably thought he was on his way to audition for position of Grand Marshall in the Christmas Day parade and only ended up semi-impressing a few commuters who thought the MTA made a short cut to the 5 train through the main hall.  If it makes him feel any better, at least his owner didn't dress him like this...

No, you cannot force me to eat with a reptile

These days more public places are allowing owners to bring their pets inside for a visit.  Most of the time you see cute puppies and a kitten or two, usually on leashes or in pet-safe carriers.  Though this is the case, the world wouldn't be complete without some crazies that take it to a whole other level.   A friend sent me a photo today of a woman who brought her boa constrictor to lunch.  There really is no excuse for this; I'm pretty sure you can leave a snake at home- in a cage, where it can't escape and eat small children and squirrels- without it feeling all too lonely.  What do you do with the reptile when you're parking the car, ordering, or even have to make a quick run to the bathroom?  The description I found on this specimen includes, "they first strike at the prey, grabbing it with its teeth, then proceeds to constrict the prey until death before consuming it whole."  If you don't mind, I'd like to just eat my sandwich please.

No, you cannot be that PC

Everyone grew up with Crayola- markers, colored pencils, kid-friendly paint and the ever popular crayons.  I remember getting the special case that held up to 250 crayons at a time (yeah, I was that kid- winning coloring contests and taking names).  At some point, the company decided that good ole' ink and wax just weren't cutting it and started making more interactive toys, which I personally feel cause kids to be less imaginative.

To fuel this fire, in 1992 a new line of Multicultural products were released.  The company's website describes these as "an assortment of ethnic-sensitive color palettes."  I'm sorry, when did 6-year old's become so aware of being politically correct that creating an entirely separate box was necessary?  I don't recall ever being presented with this set of shades as a child and I colored just fine, it taught me how to mix to get the result I wanted.  My only options were Apricot, Peach, and Tan-  this line offers the aforementioned colors along with Burnt Sienna, Mahogany, Sepia, and Black and White for blending.  To top it off, these same colors are all included in the 64-pack. Now you've got the poor kid trudging around their 250-pack plus the PC 8 crayons which obviously is the only way to color in your character without getting judged by your friends.  Oh wait, your friends are probably too busy picking their noses or playing with the next best thing.  Pass the Razzmatazz, please.